They can't hear this

The elephant in the room, when you are a person of color, in leadership, will always be "perception". If you speak up and defend an idea of yours are you being labelled (even silently) not a team player. When you give in and collaborate, will you be considered "too weak" when you are just trying to be the aforementioned "team player"?  There are days when you just can't win, no matter what you do. So how do you stay sane and healthy in a BS world that wasn't made for you, just barely tolerates you and makes you jump through hoops to stay once you get there?

You play the game. And I get it. Don't hate the player, hate the game. 

I am trying to keep my stuff clean and accessible for this blog as a way to keep the lines of communication open. My goal is to get raw and real in a private forum. I'll tell you why. I am at a point where my tolerance level for BS is at an all time low. I am ready to snap on someone. Of f**king course, I'm not going to because I get "the game". I play the game. I play it on my terms and sometimes, I pretend that I'm actually controlling the game. You gotta have fun in this shit or it will drive you crazy. 

How often do you find yourself trying to placate a white co-worker because their feelings got hurt? Really. How about how often my feelings get hurt every day. Why the heck are you "feeling" at work in the first place? It's about business. I get this. I am really good at compartmentalizing this very ideal. It makes dealing easier. But that perception thing comes back into play, time and time again. 

If I raise my voice, I am pissed. I am also in Control. You don't think so. Did I hit you? Control. Listening to dumb shit. Control. Smiling when I really want to say "shut the F up". Control. If you don't think people of color can handle their own in business, you aren't looking close enough. 

How is everyone else dealing?